Are you caught in a traffic jam after a hectic day at office, find yourself fuming when someone cuts you off in traffic, arguing with your spouse on the credit card bill or finding yourself out of control when your child does not cooperate? Anger is a normal and healthy emotion but when chronic it can harm your health, your relationship and affect your state of mind. Uncontrolled anger can make you and other people, who come in your contact, lousy. So, it’s time to learn few anger management skills so that you change the way you express your anger.
Top 10 tips to control your anger
1. Find out the reason behind your anger – If you find yourself short tempered you must be struggling with it as well and perhaps wondering why your fuse is short. There are many reasons behind this. Usually the way one expresses anger reflects what he has learned as a child. If one observes everyone screaming and throwing things when angry, he automatically gets the idea that anger is expressed in that way.
When you are angry you should find out whether you are really angry or it is masking your other feelings like insecurity, embarrassment, shame, hurt or vulnerability. So, if you are uncomfortable to many emotions and find yourself stuck in expressing everything through anger, you should learn to get in touch with your feelings. If you are able to recognize, manage and deal with your emotions you will not be left confused, isolated and in self-doubt.
2. Become aware of the triggers and your anger warning signs – Anger is a normal physical response and so everyone gets some physical warning sign before exploding. Once you understand and recognize the sign that you get just before you explode, you will be able to control your anger also.
3. Learn how to cool down – Once you know the reason and the triggers that bring out your worse, it is time you learn how to cool down. There are many techniques like deep breathing, focusing on the physical sign just before you are going to explode, taking a brisk walk or jog, massage your area of tension or slowly count to ten.
4. Find out better ways to express your anger – Often it is observed that big fights occur on small and silly issues. So, next time you feel angry, ask yourself whether you are really angry or not. If you find yourself unable to control your anger, remove yourself from the situation for few minutes. Remember, getting angry over someone or some issue is not wrong but if you do not fight fair, the relationship will break down quickly. Fair fight will allow you to express your needs while respecting others.
5. Identify alternative solutions – Instead of focusing on what you are angry about, it is better to concentrate on resolving the issue. Always keep in mind that anger is not going to fix any problem rather make it worse.
6. Use “I” in your statements – Instead of criticizing or placing blame you should be precise and respectful when showing your anger. When you will use “I” instead of “you”, you will find that statements have better effects.
7. Avoid situations that make you angry – You can also avoid people, places and situations that draw out your worst. This will help you avoid unnecessary aggravation and take control of your environment also.
8. Change your thinking – It can be some negative thought that triggers your anger like over-generalizing, mind reading and jumping to conclusions, blaming, collecting straws and having a strong view of how things should be and getting angry when things do not go the way you think.
9. Learn to forgive – Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you let positive feelings to overcome negative ones, you will find that your anger vanishes. Just keep in mind that it is unrealistic to expect other behave just like you want them to.
10. Take refuge in humor – Lightening up the situation will release your tension. Make use of humor so that you face the situation in a calm way.
Controlling anger is a challenge and you might need professional help for that to lead a better life.